It’s easy to hide. When we’re looking to avoid the real issues, we default to any number of things:
- Work. We bury ourselves in it. We blindly do. We put our heads down and don’t give ourselves time to consider what we really need to be doing.
- Speak. Aimlessly and endlessly. We speak anything but what needs to be said, about anything but what needs to be done.
- Think. About anything. Critically, so it feels like it’s productive. Maybe even think about what needs to be done, but clearly with no intent for action.
- Resign. Submit to the situation. Believe there’s nothing that can be done. Believe that we have no control over the situation or how we feel about it. Accept defeat.
Sometimes we do it without even realizing it. How do you feel when you’re not working, speaking, or focused on the task at hand? Are you using those to hide?
2 Comments
Very interesting post. Personally, and with many of my coaching clients, pushing through the inclination to “hide” is often the key to increased productivity, and less pressure.
At the root of many things people hide from is some form (often incorrect) of insecurity. For example, many people enjoy working on a project they are excited about but when it comes to writing the project report they hide, because they are not especially confident about sharing their writing with others so they put it off. Conversely, some people only feel confident about the report, so they delay other aspects of the project.
However, like the infamous movie line, “you can run but you can’t hide,” hiding from ourselves is an illusion, whatever it is will always be there, even if others can’t see or sense it, we know it is there. My advice is to find the root of your restance, name the insecurity holding you back, validate it no matter what it is and realize it is usually grounded in some sort of fear. This fear may be real, based on past experience or imagined, based on future worry. Fear roots you in the past and slows your forward motion, worry connects to an uncertain future and can stop forward motion. Pull focus into the present, what can be done today to pull what we are hiding into the light?
The three states that are of the least use to us are fear, worry and guilt they stop progress, threaten our peace, delay joy and often keep us up at night. I practice and usually ask my clients to examine the FWG factor (fear/worry/guilt) of whatever is holding them back in order to come back to center and be present and clear resistance.
It’s fascinating how many of these things turn into feedback loops- namely electing to hide leads to more negative outcomes, even if you do that hiding “in the name of” positive outcomes. The insecurity fear chain makes perfect sense- no one hides because they’re comfortable with the way things are.
I like the FWG factor for determining why your hiding, procrastinating, unhappy, etc. Seems like a simple yet powerful heuristic.