I have a tendency to talk to myself a lot, much like an insane person probably does.
I monologue. I pretend I’m being interviewed or giving a speech. Sometimes I give myself a pep talk- act as my own life coach.
After weeks (or maybe months… probably years) of doing this, I finally had a revelation: I developed this habit because there is an entire person in my head who rarely comes out. The person I am in these moments is completely unlike the person I am in the real world, but resembles my deepest held beliefs. This has been how I self-actualize.
Oftentimes in our day-to-day interactions, we come to a fork in the road. One option is the comfortable and surefire way, the path which nearly guarantees safety. The alternative is to be vulnerable. Get real. Put your true self out there. It’s difficult, and we run the risk of deep rejection.
For me, it follows a near identical pattern every time. I see the crossroad approaching. There are two paths:
- Go West- crack a witty joke. Use humor as the ultimate defense- everyone loves a funny guy! You’re sure to secure your status as the fun center of attention
- Go East- get real. Share an intellectual and emotional perspective that risks being overly serious, but also has the potential to create a fulfilling and meaningful moment.
Too often, I go West. Lately, I’ve been looking to go East.
Some ways you can start: journal, blog, talk to yourself like a crazy person. Try being this person in one-on-ones and with close friends.
The easiest way: Ask yourself how the person you are in your head is different than the person the world sees. Then email me (or if you’re brave enough, comment) the difference.
5 Comments
This is a very interesting view (all your posts are both interesting and thought provoking,) I would have to say that instead of a clear delineation between two selves, I have different graduations of my self or shades. What I mean is, if you think of it in terms of color, there are some people that I am a paler version of myself with and as I get to know them and decide how close they can get to me,(and if I want them in my tribe) the color I share with them becomes more vibrant or high def. I’m not judging them it’s just that my energy vibrates at a higher level with some people.
I think life is sometimes shorter than our plan and you might benefit from the experiment of introducing both sides of yourself and letting them walk the world together for one month…you might find that all of the sides of you are the ever evolving best version of you and people will find comfort in your raw authenticity and reflect it back to you in kind.
I would rather know a sub set of people really deeply than wade in the shallows with a gathering crowd.
I like your analogy much better than the one I made (isn’t that how it always goes?) Colors and shades much better contrasts the spectrum of “self” in this instance, although a crossroads does capture the decision moment (although perhaps with too few paths).
I suppose, when one feels like they are sharing too little color, that they desire too have that color emerge holistically all of the time. It is all perspective.
I always appreciate hearing your perspective on these things =)
Likewise 🙂
I would say the person inside my head has the same feeling and morals as I do, but he has far more confidence. He has no “status” in society, so the things he says don’t have anything to go against. Since my current position in life is not one that I am pleased with, I often feel that my opinion or ideas have no meaning. No one cares about a random person on the street with ideas, but Mark Cuban could invest in a new tissue and the world would turn to look at it. I feel like the man in the street, but the person inside my head knows no world but his own, so his ideas are the only ideas. I would like to raise my status in life and inside myself to make me as loud as the person in my head. That seems to be the difference to me.
Interesting. This is often a circle though- raising status might make you the loud person in your heard, but also bringing that loud person and his beliefs into the real world can contribute to a rise in status.
It is much like a circle, and where you jump in may or may not matter, depending on your opinion.